Living under one roof...

I am going to let you in on a secret: My wife, Rebecca, and I (and this is going to be hard to believe!) don't see eye-to-eye on everything. Don't get me wrong, I love Rebecca unequivocally. When it comes to parenting we wholeheartedly agree on many, many things, but there are also times that we have to compromise before we come up with a decision that feels right.

When reaching such a decision, we often weigh the pros and cons. Sometimes the conversations are more spirited and one of us has to capitulate. But in the end we form a united front, and we support each other even when the decision didn't go our way. This is what it means to live under one roof.

LGA shares a similar ethos when we approach decision-making. The difference is that there are so many voices to take into account. Multiple voices can result in a refreshingly open process at best, but at worst the results can be alienating, leaving people feeling bad or left out.

Many times it is all about compromise. This being a small Jewish community, some voices can seem like solo opinions because there aren't many others aligning with them. In these cases, the school makes decisions that will make our entire community comfortable. One area that comes to mind is not holding birthday parties on Shabbat and Jewish holidays.

For an important segment of our community, there is no compromising on this issue. Shabbat is the center of the home. These families send their children to a Jewish day school in part so that they won't have to choose between Shabbat and a birthday party. Students at LGA genuinely like each other -- you will often see an entire class invited to a birthday celebration. When we decide to celebrate a birthday on Shabbat, however, we are asking some families to make concessions on their belief systems, and we are excluding students from participating in important rites of passage.

It is natural to want to hold a birthday party on a day off from school, but remember that some families in our school will be alienated. Birthday parties are important times in the lives of children. Fond memories are made of these moments. As a school community, we need to reprogram ourselves to abstain from throwing birthday parties on Shabbat or Jewish holidays where work is prohibited. I am happy to have a conversation with anyone who might have a question.

When we make this choice, we send a strong message to our children about living under one roof as a community, so to speak, and presenting a united front.