The word "thanks" can be so complex

I'll admit something right up front. Sometimes I have a hard time remembering to say "thank you." Don't get me wrong -- I am usually so appreciative of any type of gratitude that people show me or the school. It's not that I don't have a good memory. As you may or may not know, I have a freak-like capacity for remembering names and faces. When living in Boston, Rebecca and I went out to dinner with a work colleague and her boyfriend. They invited another person to join us, someone we didn't know. Within minutes, I told him that we had met once before at a random party several years earlier. Rebecca and our new friend sat there astonished by the fact that I remembered this very casual encounter at a crowded house party. I went on to tell him that he had a twin brother and was friends with an old roommate of mine. In short: I have no excuse for not remembering to say "thank you."


Fortunately for me, I am part of a community that takes saying thank you very seriously. Students and faculty members prove this every day. It is more than the simple yet meaningful task of saying thank you that we, as a school, consider such an essential part of a child's education. It isn't negotiable for us. Many of our students come from homes that share these values -- put that thank you into action. We ask our students questions like, "How do you want to change the world?" and "What are you grateful for?" We we don't expect trite responses; we want students to contemplate these questions during their time here. 


When beginning to think about this topic, I did some research. I stumbled upon an article by Melinda Beck from The Wall Street Journal entitled, "Thank You. No, Thank You." In the article, Beck writes, "Kids who feel and act grateful tend to be less materialistic, get better grades, set higher goals, complain of fewer headaches and stomach aches, and feel more satisfied with their friends, families, and schools than those who don't, studies show." When I was reading it, I thought of students at LGA and the overall gestalt of our community. It is a nice one. This article is talking about LGA.  Students here genuinely care about each other. We don't expect all of them to love each other, but we do expect respect for differences. We are teaching our students how to be grateful for their strengths and "not-yet strengths" that they have been blessed with. When faced with opposition from a student, often you'll hear a classroom teacher say "every single student in our class is working on something." This time of the year often makes us reflect on what we are thankful for. But it can't be the only time of the year that we think of saying thank you, because if so, then we have failed as educators. Throughout the year, students have the opportunity to ask deeper questions about themselves and why being thankful is such a complex idea. 


This Wednesday, as we prepare for Thanksgiving, the whole school will spend the day involved in different service-learning projects. For some of them it will be a culmination of a unit learned, while for others it will be the first time they are learning about terms like homelessness, poverty, and injustice. Still others will be challenged to think past themselves. For all of them, it is just a brief snapshot of being grateful and giving thanks -- and another compelling reason why this school is just that special. Thanks! (See I remembered...)

Four Square...it's sweeping LGA nation!

Getting ready to serve and showing these kids how it is really done. 

 About three weeks ago, I was walking down the hall during an all-school recess and witnessed something that brought back many fond and vivid memories of my childhood. A very large group of 5th grade students playing an old-fashioned, not so newfangled game of Four Square. All they needed was a ball and their hands and occasionally some fancy foot work. (Can anyone tell me what a Black cherry bomb really means?) I walked out there and said "Ladies and gentlemen, step aside. Now you are going to see some real playing." What ensued was a twenty minute round of Four Square where I found myself becoming a kid again. The 5th graders were seemingly having a blast and were slowly getting the attention of other students both younger and older who were curious as to what this game was that they were playing.

The next day, when the school was about to be dismissed for recess, I found myself standing in the office with a ball. I thought to myself, was I really slipping back into 5th grade mode and jumping up and down with excitement for a game of Four Square? (Yes, I was!) And then I thought there must be other things that I should be doing with my time (No, there wasn't) and I was sure that the students were going to have moved on from Four Square to wanting to play or do something else (No, they most definitely didn't). Much to my surprise, the 5th graders came piling out of the school and lined up to play another round of this really fun game. They were excitedly explaining to me new rules and different moves that the "king" (that's the server) might bestow onto the queen, jack and the fourth square (can't remember the name of that one...) What I've learned in researching for this blog post is that Four Square is quite a popular sport and has garnered many a website dedicated to it (http://www.squarefour.org/rules)

Look at my form. These 5th graders don't know how much of a formidable opponent I really am.

So there I was thoroughly enjoying myself when I noticed behind me that a group of 3rd grade girls had started their own game, mimicking what the older students were doing but making it manageable for them. Across the lawn, I witnessed another set of boys also playing. One day, my wife, Rebecca, was walking in our neighborhood and walked passed an LGA families home at dusk and noticed three LGA students intensively practicing Four Square. I asked a parent to paint Four Square boards on the black top on the playground. You would have thought it was painted with gold the way the students were giddy with excitement this morning when they saw these freshly painted boards just waiting for the first game to play. What has come over us? Were we a community obsessed? Yes. Was this necessarily a bad thing? No way!

Tali, Isaac and Ezra team up to get me out. 

I am walking away from this experience with two thoughts. They aren't necessarily profound, but they made me take pause for a few moments and reflect, since they speak volumes about the students at LGA and the values we promote. First, four square is a perfect game to break the ice. You don't always need to have the best coordination, be the fastest, or remember a lot of rules other than to hit the ball into another square. This game is meant to be totally inclusive. LGA students enjoy watching each other compete as much as they do playing. I marveled at how these games, while taking on a life of their own, have stayed quite dignified and remain open to all who want to play. 

Secondly, it is fascinating to me that with all of the electronics and technology that come our students' way, all they need is a ball to entertain themselves. I put a lot of value on this. With four sqaure, there is a simple joy of kids being kids. It is a timeless game that will be around for generations to come. We often don't give our students enough credit. I honestly don't know how the four square obsession started at LGA, but I am sure glad that it did. It has shown me yet another unique characteristic about a school that is just that special!

I thought you said this wouldn't be hilly...

Some of the LGA contingent at the Ride to Provide

Last Sunday, along with over fifty other members of the LGA community, I participated in the Ride to Provide, a bike ride that helps support the very beneficial work at the Hillel of University of Massachusetts at Amherst. Why did so many of us get involved with helping Hillel when most of us don't have a direct connection to the organization? It helped that they were willing to split whatever money we raised, through entrance fees and coaxing friends and family to sponsor us. But two more reasons come to mind that I'd like to explore: 1) As members of the Jewish community, it is important that we support the organizations that make our community a vibrant and viable place to want to live; and 2) attending community events like the Ride to Provide send a strong message to our children -- namely, that being part of a school community happens for all members of the family, all during the week, not just between 8:15 and 3:15 on weekdays. 

Let me focus on the second point first. The community at LGA is truly a special one, as I've mentioned many times. When prospective families come to tour our school, one of the first "concerns" centers around what type of community LGA is. Our school has done a really good job at getting families from across the Jewish spectrum to feel comfortable walking through our doors. More often than not, parents are sitting on the bench outside the main office questioning the fact that they are considering a Jewish day school for their child. As they walk around the building and peek into classrooms, their fears slowly melt, and their interest is piqued enough to want to continue in the process. But what often seals the deal is talking to other families whose children are in the school. It quickly becomes apparent that, among our many outstanding qualities, this community embraces diversity, and is a warm, loving environment for children to spend their formative years. There is no comparison. 

Now, why is it so important to support other Jewish agencies? I could probably compile a list of reasons a mile long and still come up with more. I always think about one essential question, something that one of my mentors taught me to ask. It's pretty simple in theory, yet it can be answered in many ways: "What is good for the Jewish people?" When faced with a dilemma, asking this question helps crystallize my thoughts for me. When we as a community say that we support the important work of Hillel (or the Jewish Federation or the local synagogues, etc.), we are sending the message that it takes the entire community to support one another, not just those who are directly affected by the results. That's what I mean by asking "what is good for the Jewish people." When our LGA students see cool, hip college kids who are active in their community, that has a lasting effect on them. I clearly can remember when a group of teens came into my Hebrew school class to talk about youth group and all the cool things that they did. I was sold on getting involved. That was good for the Jewish people. 

Last Sunday, as I was riding my bicycle with my 30-pound son in the seat behind,  climbing the eighteenth "mountain"in Amherst and rueing the day that I signed up for the ride, I chuckled to myself:  This is what I meant by "what is good for the Jewish people"? Stepping outside our own organizational bubbles to help other organizations strengthens all organizations. 

Living under one roof...

I am going to let you in on a secret: My wife, Rebecca, and I (and this is going to be hard to believe!) don't see eye-to-eye on everything. Don't get me wrong, I love Rebecca unequivocally. When it comes to parenting we wholeheartedly agree on many, many things, but there are also times that we have to compromise before we come up with a decision that feels right.

When reaching such a decision, we often weigh the pros and cons. Sometimes the conversations are more spirited and one of us has to capitulate. But in the end we form a united front, and we support each other even when the decision didn't go our way. This is what it means to live under one roof.

LGA shares a similar ethos when we approach decision-making. The difference is that there are so many voices to take into account. Multiple voices can result in a refreshingly open process at best, but at worst the results can be alienating, leaving people feeling bad or left out.

Many times it is all about compromise. This being a small Jewish community, some voices can seem like solo opinions because there aren't many others aligning with them. In these cases, the school makes decisions that will make our entire community comfortable. One area that comes to mind is not holding birthday parties on Shabbat and Jewish holidays.

For an important segment of our community, there is no compromising on this issue. Shabbat is the center of the home. These families send their children to a Jewish day school in part so that they won't have to choose between Shabbat and a birthday party. Students at LGA genuinely like each other -- you will often see an entire class invited to a birthday celebration. When we decide to celebrate a birthday on Shabbat, however, we are asking some families to make concessions on their belief systems, and we are excluding students from participating in important rites of passage.

It is natural to want to hold a birthday party on a day off from school, but remember that some families in our school will be alienated. Birthday parties are important times in the lives of children. Fond memories are made of these moments. As a school community, we need to reprogram ourselves to abstain from throwing birthday parties on Shabbat or Jewish holidays where work is prohibited. I am happy to have a conversation with anyone who might have a question.

When we make this choice, we send a strong message to our children about living under one roof as a community, so to speak, and presenting a united front.

You mean you don't know who iCarly is?!?

Don't worry, I am not blogging about this very popular Nickelodeon show. I am painfully aware that I know nothing about iCarly other than that it is a mega-hit in the tween world. But I do know that navigating the social scene in elementary school these days is quite different from when I was in school, both for better and for worse. I'll get back to iCarly in a moment. In 24 short hours, we will celebrate Rosh Hashanah, a time of reflection and introspection for the Jewish community. Today at LGA, I witnessed something that spoke volumes about the moral compass that my uber-sweet school seeks to instill, in both the students and the faculty.

Parts of the story were retold to me; other parts I witnessed myself. The story involves three students at LGA, one of whom is new, and a veteran educator who holds an acute sense of the importance of the social-emotional curriculum of our school. At some point during the day, these three students got into an altercation that left everyone feeling bad. The students walked into the classroom of this teacher, who immediately sensed that something was not right. She could just feel it in the air. The students were not shy about hiding their feelings about what had just happened. This teacher told the three students to stay back while the rest of the class was dismissed for lunch.

LGA teachers have packed schedules. We expect a lot from them. In addition to teaching, every teacher at LGA is committed to serious professional development that involves multiple periods of meetings. When teachers aren't on lunch duty, they are often in a team meeting discussing students. This particular teacher had an actual lunch break today, and could have easily said, "I'll deal with this later." But she knew that the issue needed to be solved immediately. This teacher sat with the three students, asked them to talk about their feelings, and more importantly, made them each take ownership for miscommunicating and/or causing hurt feelings Some were more open to that concept than others, but all began to reflect on what could be different in their relationship. The teacher thoughtfully explored with them what it meant to be in a classroom community, and more crucially, the concept of what it means to be in a new environment.

Meanwhile, I was walking around the lunch rooms shmoozing with students when I noticed that these three students were missing. I asked another student if they knew where so-and-so was? I was told they were eating lunch in the classroom. I bumped into the above-mentioned teacher in the hallway, who told me what was going on and asked if I could follow them, as she had to get ready to teach. As the faculty member explained the story to me, suddenly we turned and looked into the classroom. The three students were dancing to a pop song they all knew. There was genuine laughter, and they looked like they were best of friends. At that point, I couldn't have been prouder of everyone involved.

In the end, was it their like (or dislike) of iCarly that brought these students together? Who knows? But what I do know is that this is what a strong social-emotional curriculum looks like at its finest moment. As an educator, I maintain that using the instances like these as teachable moments is just as important as when a student grasps a mathematical concept or learns a new Hebrew word. We are teaching our children what it means to be a mensch.

Shanah Tovah u'Metukah! May you all have a sweet new year.

The intracacies of school communication...

Communicating with a school community can be like walking a tight rope. We may wobble. We may stumble. We hopefully get to the other side with the satisfaction of a job well done. The way educators approach delicate discussions is probably the single-most important facet of communication. When it is good news, corresponding with parents can be the most satisfying part of a teacher's job -- that proverbial pat on the back, so to speak, can always be a pick-me-up. Yet often parent-teacher conversations have the potential for being complicated, and fraught with emotions on all sides. Will I offend this person? What if they get upset with me? We are not always telling parents exactly what they want to hear. Teachers are sometimes confirming a suspicion that a parent hasn't quite come to terms with.

Teachers at LGA pride themselves on being receptive and open to feedback from parents. But we also hope for the same in return. The faculty does an exceptional job communicating one-on-one with parents. However, we at times have fallen short on getting the message out about what our students are doing in the classrooms on a weekly basis. Over the summer, the administration decided that this was an important topic to tackle with our faculty. During work week, faculty spent an entire session talking about and developing a plan for parent communication. Some plans are creative (e.g., a blog from the kindergarten team). Many plans are traditional by today's standards

(e.g., weekly email journals exploring topics from the week). Teams discussed how and when completed student work should go home. There were a lot of really good conversations happening during that session.

Parents at LGA have a job to do, too, and many of you already do it really well. Keep us informed when something doesn't feel right to you -- contact a teacher or an administrator. Don't let things fester. Be constructive, not just critical. Be concerned, yet optimistic. Be patient, and have realistic expectations.

Most importantly, find the right time to communicate. Arrival and dismissal are usually not the right times. While this may feel like good air time for teachers and administrators, as they aren't teaching, these times are designed for transitioning our students from one situation to the next, and our focus has to be on them. I know this can be confusing, because a faculty member may approach you during one of these times to discuss something they need to connect with you about. Please take their lead at these transition times, and understand that just because they approached you about something at that time, that may not always work.

Our faculty is always happy to meet with you at a time that makes sense. I am struck when I hear a story about a teacher who spent their free evening talking to a parent over the phone, or when I walk around the building at 5 PM and there are parent meetings going on well after teachers are contractually obligated to be here. It’s because of this dedication, on both the parents’ and teachers’ parts, that our school is the special place it is.

The night before school and all through the house...

It is that time of year again - school! Right now, all over the valley, LGA students old and many new are getting ready for a wonderful and inspirational year of learning, searching, stretching, laughing and most importantly challenging themselves to be the best they possibly can be.

So as I recommit to blogging again for the 2011-2012 school year and as we prepare for Rosh Hashanah tomorrow with Rosh Chodesh Elul, I wish all of my LGA students the following blessing for the school year:

May you (students of LGA Schechter) find the strength to have much success in the coming school year. The journey you are about to take is an exciting one filled with very special people and moments. There will be some unexpected challenges and some wonderful accomplishments that each of you are going to strive for.

Tomorrow morning as you walk in that door, take a moment to take in the pleasure of starting a new school year. Your teachers have prepared hard for your arrival and are ready to work even harder to see you succeed. You will reconnect with old friends and meet many new peers as well.

May it be your will to seek guidance when you are struggling and to find happiness from the many morsels of learning that you will do this year. Please know that in me you will find an ally that wants to ensure your success as a student.

Happy First Day of School! No matter what grade you are going into - the first day is always JUST that special. AMEN

See you in a few short hours.